Jaws: The RevengeHoly crap!

All this time, I’ve been making fun of how disgustingly stupid Jaws: The Revenge was when, in reality, it was all true!  Released back in 1987, the titular shark stalks Ellen Brody and her family to the Bahamas, Cape Fear-style.

Well, apparently, shark researchers have determined that great white sharks stalk their victims, like a serial killer.

They were focused. They stalked from a usual base of operations, 100 yards from their victims. It was close enough to see their prey, but not close enough to be seen and scare off their victims. They attacked when the lights were low. They liked their victims young and alone. They tried to attack when no other sharks were around to compete. They learned from previous kills.

And they attacked from below, unseen.

Unmentioned in the article is just how much of a stalker the shark really is.  Apparently, sharks are known to follow their victims home with their headlights off, then wait in the bushes until the victim gets in the shower before crawling through the window and masterbating on their bed pillows.   Er…so I’ve heard…cough cough….