In our Funnybooks podcast, we focus on current events, and usually large events.  Most times, the conversations are constrained so that we can fit everything into an hour or so, but here at Funnybooks After Hours the discussion continues to topics not covered, greater questions of events in comic past or whatever else strikes our fancy.  

Walking up the alley, you are unsure if this is the right place.  A non-descript door halfway down the alley catches your eye and after a brief scan of the area, you see the marker that indicates that this is in fact the place.  Etched into a brick above the building is a bat symbol with an ‘X’ through the middle and a lightning bolt below it.

Knocking on the door, you hear a grating sound as a man with a luchador mask and vampire fangs opens the door, “What’s the password?” he asks.  “Beak is lame” you reply, nodding as he steps aside.  Visibility is limited, but as you look around you realize that you found the place.  Stepping up to the microphone, the five recliners are set up on a small stage in the back, as the crew eagerly awaits the question that drove you all the way here, to this secret place.

This week’s question:

What big time hero needs a major overhaul?  What would you do?

There was a long silence when Paul answered “REALLY had to think about this one.  So many characters have been given overhauls lately, or are about to – Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, etc….what’s left?  I mean, I may not agree with the direction of some of the overhauls, and I would love to see them changed, but there’s one big time hero that needs not only a reboot, but a major overhaul, and needs to be brought back into the public eye….”

“DICK TRACY.”

“I would absolutely love to see a Dick Tracy book from the same creative team as Marvel Icon’s Criminal or Incognito – Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips.  They do great crime comics, and I think a more modern take on Dick Tracy and his iconic villains would be absolutely fantastic.  I’m just imagining characters like Flattop, Pruneface, Itchy, Mumbles, and others modernized with awesome Sean Phillips art.  And I don’t think a Dick Tracy comic has been published since the movie came out in 1990.  Damn…I’m almost excited about the idea now!”

Tim nodded to the person who had posed the question, “For me this was an easy answer, it’s got to be Wonder Woman.  She’s considered by DC to be part of the Trinity, and yet with few exceptions, her own title has been uninteresting.  Wonder Woman is the main female heroine in DC, and has a lot of positives going for her, including the fact that Linda Carter was hot when she was playing her on the TV show.”

“What would I do?  I’ve given this some thought, and I’d go back to Amazon roots.  I’d have Diana be tasked with training another woman in the world of man, a Robin to her Batman if you will, giving a story telling device that would allow for the reader to learn as this new amazonian does.  I’d also up the power factor.  If she can hold her own with Superman’s villains, there should be some scene’s where she just pounds the snot out of some of these lesser villains.”

“I’d also like to see a storyline involving her having to defeat other Greek Gods champions for some reason.  I understand I’m being a little vague, but to be honest it’s been so long since I’ve read one of her books, I am slightly out of touch with the title.  But that’s the point, it needs to be more awesome to lure me in.”

Wayne cleared his throat before continuing, “Wonder Woman is a good choice.  She is a character that should be in the spotlight but I just don’t care about.  I used to have that problem with Batman books.  I loved the character and I enjoyed every other medium he was in, but just couldn’t get into the comics.  At the moment though no matter what they do with her I just can’t see myself ever liking Wonder Woman.  So I’m going with a Character that I don’t know if actually qualifies.  Since Paul went with Dick Tracy though I say he qualifies about as much as Paul’s answer.  I’m going with Jonah Hex.  After just seeing this horrible movie I”m thinking back to the great episode of Batman the Animated Series that introduced the character.” 

“The problem with Jonah Hex for me is that we all know how it ends now.  Jonah is going to be shot in the chest while playing cards, have his body stuffed for display, and eventually become a Black Lantern.  That’s a pretty crappy death and ultimate fate for a character and I for one would prefer for his future to be unknown or changeable.  I would probably use Booster Gold as the vessel for his overhaul.  Rip Hunter would explain that someone had messed with time to cause this legendary gunfighter from the Old West to have a horrible fate.  Booster would then be sent back to make it all right.  This would be the excuse to wipe away some of the wrongs that I see having been done to the character.  Unfortunately Booster can’t come into the real world and tell me not to see the movie.”

“For the first arc after relaunch I would have Hex on the hunt for a particularly elusive bounty.  He would be following his trail for at least 12 issues dealing with his men and stumbling across smaller bounties along the way.  I would introduce real life characters like Wild Bill hickok, Billy the Kid, and Annie Oakley.  Jonah would occasionally run across time travelers, but it would be one offs and sometimes be nothing more than a background cameo.  Ras Al Ghul and Vandal Savage would also be recurring villains.  Hex might even take a dip in a Lazarus pit giving himself the possibility of an unnaturally long life that doesn’t involve being stuffed and put in a circus.”

The trio looked back at two empty chairs.  Happy hour had sucked in Aron and Jonathan momentarily.