Good Will EvilAn hour into Good Will Evil, I still wasn’t sure if I was watching a horror comedy, or just a really crappy horror movie.  As it turns out, it was just a really crappy horror movie.

The film begins when a politician’s wife (her name is Easy?  Really?) is talking to her friends about how much she hates being alone because her husband is never home.  Apparently her friends are the most inconsiderate friends in the world, because they tell her “if you’re lonely, have a baby!”  Turns out Easy is one half of the least likeable couple in the world (seriously…they couldn’t come up with characters that were just a bit more sympathetic?) and her jerk of a husband tells her one day on the way home that, because she doesn’t like being home alone, he’s going to adopt her a kid.  Right after breaking the news to her, they almost run over a little girl in a yellow rain coat.

Seriously?  He couldn’t, I don’t know…buy her a dog or a cat?  Turns out his main reason for adopting a kid is because he thinks that his voters will likeit.  Yeah, this guy’s a bastard.  They end up adopting the same girl they almost ran over the night before, who is also the least friendly kid at the orphanage.  Why would they adopt a kid who was so unlikeable?

More after the jump.

They take the girl home and, not more than two minutes later she’s beheaded a ton of Barbie dolls and used the bodies to decorate her room.  Easy talks about returning her to the orphanage like she’s a broken toaster, but her husband convinces her to give the kid a chance.

After this introduction to the storyline, we’re treated to an hour and forty-five minutes of a not very scary horror film.  Easy keeps having flashbacks to when her father sexually abused her when she was a child – not sure we needed so many of these uncomfortable flashbacks.  One probably could have done the trick.  Apparently the kid they adopted, Shaw-Tian, also was abused in her first house (does any family NOT abuse their kids in these movies) by a crazy mother and a father who liked to put out cigarettes on her skin.

It’s hinted at that Shaw-Tian’s doll is doing the killing in some VERY CHEESY scenes.  I mean, her doll, which is kinda creepy to begin with, gets these green glowy eyes from time to time to show that, yes, it’s evil.

But why is the doll killing people?  I won’t ruin it for you, but the ending is pretty predictable and overly sentimental.  There’s a ghost involved and, apparently after killing two people, all the ghost wanted was to eat birthday cake.  Ugh.

At first I thought some of the overacting in the film’s first act was because it was trying to be a comedy.  As it turns out, that was just par for the course for what was inteded to be a horror film.

Don’t waste your time.  This film isn’t scary, isn’t bloody, isn’t well acted, isn’t well written…there’s just…nothing good!

Paul's Awesomness Score - 3Paul’s Awesomeness Score – 3 out of 10!