First thought that popped into my head while watching Drive Thru?  Damn…I want a double quarter pounder with cheese.

A bunch of wannabe white kids hit the Drive Thru at Hella Burger and, while ordering, the clown shaped speaker seems to keep threatening their lives.  They decide to go in and teach the drive thru kid a lesson, and are greeted with a killer clown!  One fried face and a chop later and we’re into the credits!  Pretty funny opening, I thought, and the killer clown has a speaker for mouth so it sounds like he’s in a drive thru.  Pretty unique, I thought.

Holy crap!  It’s Leighton Meester and Nick D’Agosto (the kid from Heroes and Fired Up)!  It’s always welcome to see familiar faces in a film you’ve never heard of, especially when they make fun of people by calling them “banana republicans.”  Heh.

You know stuff is going to go bad when a bunch of horny teenagers break out a Ouija board.  The Ouija board gives them a cryptic message…a number that doesn’t make sense.  Turns out that it’s actually the license plate number of the wannabes who are getting knocked off by Horny the Clown.

Check out the rest of my review after the jump.

You know, I was forgiving of the annoying kids at the beginning of the film, because I figured that they were supposed to be annoying, just to get knocked off.  Well, apparently, all the kids in the film are just as annoying, but in different ways.  There’s the horny older boyfriend who keeps telling his 17 year old girlfriend how much he wants to “tap that barely legal @$$,” there’s the anti-republican hippie girl who just manages to always dress out of the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog…the list just goes on and on.  Nobody is terribly likeable in this film.

The writing is just bad.  Not entirely original, the premise is at least a decent one – the killer clown obviously has something to do with the big Hella Burger chain, and the connection makes sense, but the dialog throughout most of the movie seemed improved and not terribly good.  Characters who are trying to deal with the death of their friends/loved ones would spend the next scene partying or hanging out at the carnival…it just didn’t really make sense.

The film looks well enough, but Im never a fan of cheesy looking slow motion, or fast motion for that matter, and there are some obvious issues that shouldn’t been left on the cutting room floor.  When Horny the Clown (spoiler) gets lit on fire, it’s pretty obvious when it cuts to the flame resistant costume – it doesn’t even look like the regular costume!

And what was up with the music video/blooper reel after the credits?  At least it helped solidify to me that the film was supposed to be funny, but it was just too uneven.  The bits that were supposed to be funny weren’t terribly funny, the scary parts were funny in their badness, it was just a mess.

The best thing about Drive Thru is the villain.  Horny the Clown is a pretty decent slasher, and even has the film’s only decent lines.  His kills, while not terribly imaginative (and the microwave thing was just stupid), were all pretty decent.  His voice is creepy, his backstory is okay.  Kinda makes me sad that a good idea was wasted on this lousy film.

Skip it!

Paul’s Awesomeness Score – 3 out of 10!