During the month of December, I thought I would brave the task of trying to watch as many Christmas-themed horror movies as I could get my hands on. Not as easy task, mind you, as I can think of only one Christmas horror flick that people actually like (the original Black Christmas). Still, there’s gotta be some diamonds in the rough, right?
Guess we’ll find out.
I started my search for good Christmas horror with a film that most undoubtedly was sure to suck – Santa’s Slay, with BILL GOLDBERG (yes, the wrestler) playing Santa! Read my review after the jump!
I almost had hope for half a second when Santa’s Slay started. Seated around a dinner table enjoying a Christmas Eve meal were Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart, and James frickin’ Caan! I mean, most of them aren’t the most talented people on the planet, but at least they were kind of “names,” you know? My hope was quickly dashed, even quicker than the family was dispatched by Goldberg Santa in one of the most ludicrous scenes set to celluloid.
See, in Santa’s Slay, Santa is actually the son of Satan. A thousand years ago, he lost a deal with an angel, and the angel made it so that Santa had to be good for 1000 years, the giver of toys and happiness. Well, the thousand years is over (heh … that was a Millennium quote) and now Santa’s back to his bad ass self, going to strip clubs (and killing the strippers) and really just kinda walking around f*cking up as much stuff as he can.
Honestly, Santa’s Slay may be a terrible film, but as least it’s laughably bad (and, to a certain extent, intentionally so). They know they’re not making a great film here, so they embrace the badness with gusto. The one thing you can’t say about the film is that it takes itself too seriously. I mean … they frickin’ shoot Santa with a bazooka!
My favorite part of the movie is the flashback where we see Santa losing his deal to the angel, which is actually done in an animated/puppet style similar to the old Christmas TV specials, like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Pretty imaginative, actually.
Sadly, the rest of the film just doesn’t seem to be good in its badness – it’s just bad. I did laugh, and I wasn’t bored, but that doesn’t always equate to quality movie watching. You’ll find some redeeming qualities, but overall the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. Skip it.