Leprechaun - Word!

Reposted in the spirit of the holiday – Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

What I love most about the Leprechaun films is how unabashed they are about not making sense.

The only thing that can hurt a leprechaun is a four leaf clover! No, it’s wrought iron! No, it’s an amulet that turns him to stone!  No, it’s burning his gold!

The leprechaun can’t hurt you if you have his gold on you! Oh wait…he can cut you open if you swallow a piece.

And how the hell does he keep losing coins when he’s so obsessive compulsive about his gold?  Dude…stop carrying your pot of gold around uncovered if you don’t want money falling out.  At least he wised up in the third one and put it in a safe.  Which, might I mention, doesn’t make sense since they used a safe in part two to trap him (wrought iron).

Poor Leprechaun…you thought Jason had it bad? In the first film he melted, got shot, then burned to death. In the second, he gets stabbed with an iron bar in the heart and explodes into little lucky charm bits!  I don’t even remember how the hell he died in part 3 and I just finished watching it.

How the hell does this make any kind of sense. These guys seem to have an idea.  More after the jump.

LeprechaunLeprechaun 1: Unlucky Charms (subtitles added by me!)

Oh-kay.  You know…I’m confused.  So…I thought the beginning of the film took place in Ireland, since the couple that steals the leprechaun’s gold is Irish.  Apparently, it’s Kentucky or some such nonsense.  Anyone, some old dude gets rich, his wife start buggin’ him so the leprechaun offs her, and then the dude gets upset even though now he doesn’t have to share his money.  He traps the leprechaun in a box using a four leaf closer like a crucifix to Dracula.  He just kinda leaves it on top of the box, where it sits in a room where apparently no wind ever blows for 10 years.

10 years later, some old guy and Jennifer Aniston move into the house and quickly befriend the worst painting company in history – a good looking guy, his smart @$$ kid brother, and an autistic guy who seems to keep spilling paint on himself and accidentally swallows money.  Even though the autistic guy has JUST gotten a threat and a shoe shine from the leprechaun, he sees a rainbow and follows it to the end and steals the leprechaun’s gold.  The leprechaun gets mad, mayhem ensues, people die pogo stick related deaths, and, in the end (uh…spoiler) they kill the hell out of the leprechaun by making him swallow a four leaf clover (HIS ONE WEAKNESS) and then shoot him, then set him on fire for good measure.  Apparently, throwing gasoline down a well and setting it on fire doesn’t actually cause a fire…it causes an EXPLOSION.  Just to warn you.

The entire time watching this film, I couldn’t get past the fact that I was watching Jennifer Aniston in a horror flick about a leprechaun who topples over a pick up truck with a go cart.  I get it, it’s magic.  It’s still stupid.  Because, apparently, you can throw shoes at the leprechaun and he has to stop to shine them all.  I think I saw that in a Dracula movie once too, about counting rice or something, right?  Anyway, always carry extra shoes in case the leprechaun is chasing you.

So…despite my comments, I really don’t hate Leprechaun. It’s stupid dumb fun as only early 1990’s horror can bring.  Warwick Davis absolutely owns the role (I hear he actually had trouble with playing a bad guy because he’s such a nice person) and this film, honestly, would probably be garbage without him.  Still, it’s a lot of laughs, and I can’t help but feel like most of it was supposed to be funny.

Paul Awesomeness Score - 6

Paul’s Awesomeness Score – 6 out of 10

Leprechaun 2Leprechaun 2: Bride of the Leprechaun

So…there’s a candle on the cover, and it’s pretty prevalent, but it’s got nothing to do with the movie.  Was it supposed to?  It would have made more sense to have him holding a garter, or a wedding ring.  See, in Leprechaun 2, the Leprechaun wants to make babies!

It’s olden times.  1000 years ago to be exact.  The leprechaun wants a wife and apparently all it takes is for her to sneaze three times without someone saying “God Bless You.”  Does anyone even say “God Bless You” anymore?  Doesn’t everyone just say “bless you?”  Anyway, he picks the daughter of his manservant.  The manservant blesses his daughter, thwarts the leprechaun, and is killed.  Still, the leprechaun can hold a grudge, since he says that in another 1000 years he’s going to marry the guy’s descendant.

For years, the leprechaun stalks the women of the family and takes the time to have a little drawing of each one of them in his little leprechaun lair, which seems kind of pointless since he only really cares about the one that comes 1000 years later.  Cut to modern day – some guy named Cody and his girlfriend Bridget are trying to go out on a date, but Cody’s boss is a drunken good for nothing and Cody has to cover him at work, some tour of California that involves visiting the homes of dead movie stars.  Bridget gets upset, ditches Cody and goes go-karting with another guy, and for some reason Cody buys her flowers.  The leprechaun uses the flowers, makes Bridget sneeze three times, and steals her away to make sweet Leprechaun love to her (it never happens though).

I actually really kind of like Leprechaun 2, despite it making no sense when compared to the first.  Literally NOTHING is the same, other than Warwick Davis in the titular role.  He has a different weakness, a different motive, doesn’t seem to care about shoes or four leaf clovers, and apparently has a problem with wrought iron.  Still…one thing remains the same: his love for go karts!  Yes friends, there is an extended go-kart sequence in this film!  In fact, half of the film is centered on go-karts!

Anyway, this leprechaun gets blowed up real good at the end, and there’s this really awkward sequence where you expect him to pop up out of the ground, or jump out of his tree…but no.  Roll credits.  Someone must have said “Screw this noise.  There’s no way we’re going to make another one of these stupid movies.”  Sigh.

Paul's Awesomeness Score - 7Paul’s Awesomeness Score – 7 out of 10!

Leprechaun 3Leprechaun 3: Viva Las Leprechaun!

The Leprechaun’s in Vegas this time, taunting a college freshman and a sexy waitress in a casino.  Apparently he’s got the rage virus in this one, because he bits some guy who slowly turns into a leprechaun, with all the magic powers and everything.

The main storyline (ha) of this one is that anyone who takes a gold piece from the Leprechaun (there he goes losing money again) gets one wish.  The coin bounces from person to person, each getting their own wish in some twisted way.  My favorite is when a guy ends up getting killed by a half mannequin/half robot sex bot.  How did they think up this crap in the 90’s?

I found it a bit odd that the Leprechaun spends the first thirty minutes of this in in a pawn shop, and almost gets bested by the shopkeeper.  It’s a little odd that jamming the leprechaun’s weakness in his mouth doesn’t kill the leprechaun in this film, but it did in the first.

There’s a pretty cool scene where the leprechaun saws a guy in half in a Vegas night club with a mini chainsaw, but alas, no go karts.  Again, the weaknesses in this film totally differ from the others (some guy looks them up on the internet), and the leprechaun’s whole motivation is different.  He’s not looking for women this time – he’s pretty much just looking for more gold.

The guy playing the college freshman has to be at least 30.  He’d look like the old guy at the David Cook concert.

It’s just too bad the leprechaun went to Old Vegas.  It seems like he would have had a better time if he stayed at the Palms.

Not as good as part 2, but still good fun!

Paul Awesomeness Score - 6Paul’s Awesomeness Score – 6 out of 10!

Anyway…if I can survive the 2nd trilogy (Leprechaun in Space, In the Hood, and Back 2 Tha Hood), you’ll be seeing my reviews next week!